How To Tell You’re Getting Old Pt. 1

I’m still in my 20s, but being crippled and having grey hair really makes me feel like I’m getting old sometimes. 30 is sneaking up on me faster than I’d like, I’ll admit it.  While it’s true that you really are only as old as you feel, sometimes I wonder if it’s possible for our bodies to forget the fact that they’re becoming decrepit.

(You’ve just been warned that this post is going to include poop.  The code word we use for our body’s natural function of eliminating all the good things we eat is “frogs”. So in order to lessen the shock to all of your delicate sensibilities I’ll be talking about frogs instead of poop.  There you go.)

 

Back to getting old. I had been craving sushi for months, so the other day I finally stopped at my favorite sushi place that has all-you-can-eat sushi for just $20 during lunch.  It had been a long week, so I indulged in all the glorious raw fish and spicy mayo that my crippled little body could handle.

Mmmm, seafood salad

 

After I’d gone back to the boyfriend’s house to watch his sick kid and work overtime, the need to bear frogs hit me like a ton of bricks. This time, the memo was: “FROGS. NOW.”  Little did I know that my body no longer enjoyed my favorite meal.  As I was taking my time I realized I didn’t eat as much sushi as I normally do when I get all-you-can-eat, but my digestive system didn’t send out the memo that they’d no longer supported my sushi habit. WTF.

 

I was thinking about how I was going to tell the boyfriend this funny little fact when I realized that OLD PEOPLE KEEP TRACK OF WHAT MAKES THEM HAVE TO POOP.  This is the first step in me getting old!  (For those of you wondering why on Earth I’d share this with my boyfriend, let me tell you that he was the one to come up with the code “frogs”. This little tweet should shed all the light you need on that subject.)

 

I was thrown back to all of the weird conversations with my parents, uncles, and grandparents about what food made them have frogs. Why can’t we eat at this place for my birthday? It makes someone have frogs. Why can’t grandma have the cookies I baked? They make her have frogs. All of the frog-inducing food memories from my childhood came flooding back.

No thanks, dolly

Even though I’m not even 30 and I’m not really getting old, this was a sobering moment for me this weekend. My body may pretend it wants Geritol, but my brain says no! Let’s see how long I can keep this going 😉

Welcome to my Pirate Ship!

Hello world, and welcome to my blog!

Once upon a time – in a far-away land of ice and snow – I used to blog.  Instead of becoming a professor of long-dead literature and writing for a living like I’d always planned, the extent of my writing is more or less Twitter. I’m not so witty in 140 characters or less, I’ll be honest.  Thanks to Twitter, though, I’ve run across a few Vegas blogs that have re-ignited my literary passion. (Do fart jokes count as “literary passion”?)

That sounds noble, but I can promise most of my posts will either be about football, food, or the crazy things I see through work and trying to navigate dating the single father of a teenage daughter. And don’t forget fart jokes.

So while I’m working on my first real post, please go check out some other blogs! I promise you’ll thank me for it 🙂

The Las Vegas Courtesan, @vegascourtesan

Miss Thang, aka @Thypolar

Mr. T, @HackingVegas

Robert J. Crane, @robertjcrane – fantasy author, gamer, and crazy man

my girl Kelley, @OMGitsKeLLz