The Teenage Microbiologist – pt. 2

Girl Cookie has been grounded and her chore yesterday was to clean her room. Since you can’t see her carpet, just picking up stray stuff is a task in itself.  I haven’t ventured in there myself in several weeks (months?), so I was unprepared for the latest dose of foulness.



Yesterday afternoon she began throwing clothes and linens in different piles and in different baskets in the living room.  Most of it was focused in the areas outside of her door, but some of it is also piled by the kitchen.  We’re moving in a month and a half so I figured this was following the Ninja’s orders to get rid of the clothes that she’s outgrown or doesn’t wear.


I didn’t dig too deep to find the method in the madness since our relationship is in a delicate state right now. (Is nitroglycerine delicate? Is that the right word?) I hung out in the living room for a few hours until my arms needed my nightly dose of knock-out nerve drug and then holed up in the Ninja’s bed.


I came out at one point to either lock the door or grab a snack, and while in my cement-head drug-addled state I thought I was being choked by rancid kitty litter.  Smells are particulate and I felt like someone had been throwing a neglected, rotten cat box in the living room.  Now when I’m taking these nerve drugs I can be so cement-headed that I can sleep for twelve hours like it was fifteen minutes and still be hazy four hours later in the middle of working.


This would have been more pleasant


I woke up a few hours later and forced myself to stay awake since the Ninja was heading home with food. I wandered into the living room and the smell was still there!  Was it the clothes?  How can tee shirts smell so bad?  The Ninja walked in the door and within a minute he was gagging on the smell.  I thought it came from the food experiments she let cultivate and then dumped in the trash and down the sink.


It turns out that her room had been smelling highly funky for quite some time – the Ninja had smelled it but I hadn’t. After a few minutes he pinpointed the mildewy towels mounted up against the ottoman.  I went into my boxes from my apartment and pulled out my most potent candles and he made plans to crack down when he wakes up.



That was 8 hours ago, the candle has been burning for 5-6.  It still smells like rancid kitty litter even though Ninja put a load of the offending towels in the washing machine and I’m practically using the candle fumes and wax like an inhaler.  Girl Cookie has woken up and is on the phone with her mother and giving me the Stink Eye.  I don’t think she realizes the shitstorm that’s about to ensue.


How could she not smell this?!??

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